whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
