I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
