Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
