if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
