I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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