Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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