My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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