Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize