I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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