dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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