You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
