I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
