You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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