i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
