so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
