I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
