i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
