So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
