i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
