I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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