I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
