literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
