you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
