Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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