He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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