Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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