Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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