You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
