I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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