Define "chronic" masturbator.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
