I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
