This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize