either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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