I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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