Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
