she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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