bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
