You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
