I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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