never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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