Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
