I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
