My sheets look like a crime scene.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
