Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Go christen that room with your naked body.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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