The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
