stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize