I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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