it wasn't lemon gatorade
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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