I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
