I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm at about main and main street
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
