I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
