turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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