Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
