I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
