either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am naked and annoyed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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