btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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