he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
