He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
