i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
