Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
