I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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