he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
