Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
