we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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