Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
