I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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