cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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