Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize