Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
