Having a random hookup so left but love u
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
