you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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