my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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