I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
