We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
