Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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