A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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