my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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