he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
