where am i from again
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
