Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
