I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
