Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
