Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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