Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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