Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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