I can text with my tongue
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
