No stitches, just platelets and will power
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
