I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
