Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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