soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
third nipple confirmed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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