I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
